If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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