In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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