don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
