But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
