Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
