why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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