those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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