I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
