You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
