can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
