I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
