Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
