even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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