Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I AM VODKA MAN
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
