Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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