so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
