wrigley field is MILF paradise
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
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