If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Randomize
