I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
