oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
