yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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