Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
