Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
