your room smells of hookers.
And success
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
