Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
