Just fell off a train. Bad.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My dick has a subreddit
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
