I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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