Heybabeimwearingurpanties
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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