we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
