I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Randomize
