Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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