my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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