Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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