After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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