Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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