then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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