Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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