dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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