She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
