his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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