a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
