Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
