Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
