So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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