A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
