Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
