So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
