i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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