see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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