Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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